The Long and Unwinding Road

The end of the semester sent me on another 11 hour road trip back to California. The only difference, this time I was leaving at 7 PM unaccompanied after my dead-beat brother abandoned me. So how was I too keep myself stimulated enough to not fall asleep driving on the very deserted I-80? Along with turning every song into a Broadway musical, I also followed the lead of the book Sean and David's Long Drive. I decided to rate each town I stopped at. First stop....

Pit Stop #1: Windover, NV

It is mostly known as a mini gambling mecca. It draws in all the wayward sons from across the Utah border. That is its appeal: it is the closest casino convent on East Nevada border. It is not a classy place. I gambled here once, but an old man kicked me out. Apparently the gambling age is 21. I’ll be taking my business elsewhere. I was pretty tired so I took a cat nap in an 18-wheeler parking lot. The flashing lights from a David Spade Comedy Advertisement and the big rig traffic hindered my sleeping a bit, but I managed some shut eye. Afterwards I went to the Flying J for gas and a bathroom break. There was only one clean toilet…and it wasn’t that clean. The door didn’t have a lock either. There was a bonus though. When I purchased my energy drinks I was hit on by a rotund trucker. It was 11 PM. So, all in all, I left Windover with a full tank of gas and my self esteem increased tenfold. I’m making this a reoccurring stop.

Pit Stop #2: Battle Creek, NV

Another stop at the Flying J where the gas is cheap and their bathrooms are cheaper. This one had electric purple stalls…I liked that. I didn’t like the dilapidated toilets, though. You can’t blind me with your exciting color choices…I know dirty when I see it. They also had a dispenser in these bathrooms…but it wasn’t for feminine hygiene products. I think we all know that we don’t want to share a bathroom with someone so desperate they are willing to buy protection out of an electric purple bathroom. I’m curious why this transaction needs to take place in the bathroom...it seems like you could just as easily buy them with the migraine medicine they have stocked in the gas station. I’m concerned about this…but let's move on. Battle Creek = Gross

Pit Stop #3: Winemucca, NV

This Flying J was everything it should be: there was a homeless man outside that made me feel uncomfortable, it had Starbucks Double Expresso shots, and a clean bathroom. The best part was the mirrors made you look thinner. I bought gum, expresso shots, and a Dr. Pepper. They now have come out with light expresso shots that have half the calories. I jumped on that and bought two…so total I got the same 140 calories, but double the jolt. And believe me…it was a jolt. This was the point in the trip where I entertained myself by turning any song into a Broadway musical. I was fantastic. Tickets will go on sale June 1st.

Pit Stop #4: Truckee

I was pretty tired of Trucks by this point. I had been driving/sleeping in one for the past 10 hours and now I had to stop in a town called Truckee. This was not an intended stop. I was so involved in my musical performances, channeling Jack Black and Sir Andrew Loyd Webber, that I drove through Reno without making a desperately needed fuel stop. Big mistake. Right after I got out of Reno I noticed my gas light on…and I was driving up hill, in my dads uneconomical truck, in the middle of no where with rain pouring, by myself, with my cell phone battery near death. I miraculously made it to Truckee. Gas was $4.10 and it was snowing beaucoup. I am never coming back....

That pretty much covers it. Lesson learned. Drive up 70 and do it in the daylight.